Christmas. I adore Christmas. In addition to the obvious religious implications and all the fascinating travel stories that go along with this time of year (Question: How do you fit 4 people in a space on a plane where there are only 3 seats? Answer: Two people are under the age of 3…), Christmas provides many opportunities to shake your head, look up to The Big Guy Upstairs, and smile:
Children…who aren’t yours…I love them!…and I love that I don’t have to finance their college educations.
Highs in the 70’s…There’s something to be said for being able to wear shorts and flip flops in Florida when our Northern counterparts are sweating as they add an extra four layers to go out and get the mail.
Right after Christmas comes New Years, then Memorial Day, then Fourth of July, and before you know it, Football season is here again! Thank God.
Insufficient wrapping paper stories…Crap. I’m out. What can I use? Think. Think. Tin foil? Comics? What’s this? Wrapping paper with candles and party hats and confetti on it? Happy Birthday…Jesus!..Hope you enjoy your golf balls, dad.
Songs. While I certainly love Christmas music, this time of year is about the only time of year when I can hold my loved ones captive in the car and they’re grateful for the non-Christmas music I play for them.
Traveling to visit all the crazy relatives…and the stories that come with them…(Question: How do you know you’re traveling with Lauren Grant? Answer: Your first plane parks in Terminal A, and your connecting flight leaves from Terminal G. Layover? Twelve minutes. Go!)
Mistletoe. (I imagine this is pretty self-explanatory.)
Another reason for pie. Oh, how I love pie.
Santa. A large man with a long beard handing out goodies to children, and he’s not registered with our local law enforcement agencies. Good times. While I’ve always wanted to be Alberta out on the field in the Swamp, playing Santa’s helper every year isn’t a bad alternative.
To all the handing back of adorable children to their parents, extra bites of pie, four hour plane rides that seem like eight, stolen kisses underneath hanging fungus that grows on trees, and the countdown to football season, Merry Christmas Everyone!