Author Archives: Elle Grant

What’s Love Got to do With It? Almost Everything: Why the 14th is Just as Good as Every Other Day of the Year

Feb
14
2012
by Elle Grant | 1 Comment
I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Now, before you start making assumptions, let me clear a few things up.  I don’t *not* celebrate Valentine’s Day for lack of a willing and able other half.  Even when I wore my hair in pigtails and had to stand on my tippy toes to ride Space Mountain, I had my fair share of “Valentines.”

That extra inch or two will take you places...and tippy toes are extremely effective...

In Kindergarten, it was Patrick. He was also my first kiss. Well, of the “Let’s run behind the tree, and I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” kind. Then there was James. Sweet James. Benji, Jeff, and Paul got me through elementary school. There was David in middle school. Then Mike, and Mike again, and Mike again, oh for about eight years. Then there was someone who will remain nameless in order to squash any urges I may have to create clever pseudonyms that might not be too complimentary.  He was around for too many V-days.

"Lauren and Patrick Sittin' in a Tree..." Or a sandbox...

So, there have been opportunities to celebrate.  I just chose not to.  (Those in my life will vouch for this fact.  Many a boyfriend have been grateful for my wallflower ways when it comes to V-day.)

Some people avoid Valentine’s Day because they think it’s become a Hallmark holiday. I can see that. However, I’m all for commerce and capitalism and people having an extra day to buy their loved ones presents. I don’t *not* celebrate it because it’s commercialized.  If people want to have an excuse to buy chocolates and cards and big “I love you!” balloons, who am I to judge? Have at it. Keep our economy chugging along, please.

Sure, Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about love, but for those that don’t have an other half, the day can be disappointing. Having always had at least one friend who feels that way this time of year, I can attest to the fact that this type of disappointment, like any other I suppose, is not fun. And so, for solidarity to my friends, I let February 14th pass by just like any other day.

Now Love, that’s a whole different story.  Love is what makes the world go ‘round, right?  Well, love and ambition and The Big Guy Upstairs and that whole earth orbiting the sun and spinning on its axis thing. That, too. While many of us hope for life-long love, marrying the person of our dreams, having beautiful and intelligent children with that person, and then growing old and dancing to Etta James and doing the Electric Slide on our 50th wedding anniversary, it doesn’t always work out that way.

My mother, God love her, is on her third husband.  I’m not quite sure how these men perform in the “Husband” department, but all three of the men she married have been great dads to me.  She knows how to pick good fathers, that’s for sure.  (And they’re all Gators, so clearly she has good taste.)  Because my mother has had at least three Great Loves in her life, we now have a blended family, and while it’s not “happily-ever-after love” the first (or second) time around, it’s still not half bad.  Here’s why:

1. Extra Family Members.  Because my mom and dad broke up, I now have a lovely (and hilarious) step-mom, a lovely (and kind) 2nd dad, a lovely (and generous) 2nd step-mom who is married to my 2nd dad (and her super fun daughter/my most recent sisterly addition), and three lovely (beautiful, smart, and funny) sisters.  (We’re mutt sisters, sharing one parent by blood and one parent by love.)  A little confusing, I’m aware, and not too pretty on paper, but most certainly entertaining in real life.

Now that my mom’s on to her third husband, I now have *another* great dad (who likes to hunt and fish and claims he’s going to take me one day soon…cough, cough…Mike?  You reading this?) and a brother and sister-in-law (who live in England!)…and as of April of this year, I’ll be an aunt.  I’m pretty sure Baby Gator cheerleading outfits look just as cute in England as they do in Florida.

Baby Gators in England? Absolutely!

And because all these husbands have sisters and brothers, I also have a bunch of fun aunts and uncles and extra grandparents and cousins.  Yes, the family tree is huge and gnarly, but it sure does make things interesting, especially around the holidays…which brings me to my next point…

2. Extra Celebrations.  Up until about the age of 23, birthdays are really fun.  Getting to celebrate your birthday multiple times with your various families, and then again with your friends, makes for a busy birthday month.  Busy and fun and lucrative.

Christmas?  Just as good.  Not only do you get (and give) extra presents, you get extra food, too.  Grant family Christmases are classic for holiday dinners, but the rest of the families certainly know how to cook a feast.  (And when all the families (ex’s and current spouses, etc.) get together, which has happened countless times in my life, we can feed an army.)

Sure, there are extra celebrations (birthdays, graduations, getting accepted into UF parties, etc.) for everyone else, too. These can be detrimental to my pocketbook (and my shoe and travel fund); however, the good times make it all worth it.  At all these events, memories are made and stories are spun.  The history of our good times as a blended family grows longer with each event.

3. Independence.  Independence goes right along with extra celebrations.  Because I come from a fractured family, I am used to being passed around the state (and country) for family gatherings.  I am not traumatized by not being with a certain family member for a certain holiday, and they are not traumatized by me not being there.  We all know we’ll get around to celebrating sooner or later.  And because I’m all about delayed gratification, “sooner or later” works out perfectly.  While I certainly admire families who *must* be together during the holidays, I find it comforting to know anticipation replaces disappointment in my family when it comes to absences around those times of year.

4. Love.  I feel very loved.  All the time.

5. A Good Example.  While many divorces end in life-long resentments, I know nothing about that.  My parents, all of them, have done an amazing job of being responsible, respectful, quality human beings.  All the husbands (current and ex’s) get along and share “Maria” jokes, and all the wives (current and ex’s) get along and share pointers.

I know not of bitter fights and angry battles.  I know only of adults behaving like, well, adults.  Because of this, I have seen how it’s done and I know it is possible, this life of a happy, blended family.  And while one day I hope to have one, just one, husband, I know that good can come from situations other than a traditional “happily ever after.”

My Family Tree: An example of (and heavy on the) Love...and all that it entails.

So, while I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, I do celebrate love. Lots of it. And with all the various family members I have, with all of their various characteristics, I feel as if I’m qualified to do so. 365 days a year.

 

**Photos courtesy of scoop.it, zazzle.com, community.trendmicro.com, firebellymarketing.com, footballfanatics.com, and twentytwowords.com.

 

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Stats vs. Sweet Talk: Translating the Conversational Gap Between Men, Women, and Word Counts

Feb
05
2012
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

An excerpt from earlier:

Woman:  I’m super excited about the Super Bowl.  It’s going to be so much fun.  We’re having a party, and a bunch of people I haven’t seen in a long time are coming.  And man, Joe, have you met Joe?  Anyway, Joe makes these amazing barbecue ribs.  Food, fun, football.  So excited!  **claps hands enthusiastically and smiles as if verbalizing her excitement wasn’t enough**

Man:  Who you rooting for?

Woman:  Okay, so don’t judge…I’m torn.  I don’t love the Patriots, but I really want our Gators to kick some ass in the NFL.  If I don’t care about the game, though, I’ll root for the underdog.  How about you?

Man:  Pats for the Gators.

Woman:  **Stunned Silence**  Oh.  Yeah, that’s what I meant to say.

(This could be applied to multiple scenarios...And *you,* you know who you are...)

It took the man four words to essentially say the same thing as the woman (who will remain nameless) who used about ten times that.  (Question:  How do you know Lauren Grant is referencing herself in the third person?  Answer:  She tells you the woman in question will remain nameless and then proceeds to give herself away.  Highly effective.)

This got me thinking.  Why is it that the majority of (straight) men I know are quite concise (or “Linguistically Efficient” as one friend calls it), while the majority of women I know aren’t?

Let’s start at the beginning.  Words.  A word, by definition, is a “principal carrier of meaning.”  We, as people, need these principal carriers of meaning to express our thoughts.

Okay, please humor me here.  Stop for a minute.  Don’t say anything.  Don’t read anything.  Just sit there and think.

**waits patiently for the roughly three seconds you’ll probably think for before moving on**

What did you think about?  Your grocery list?  How you need to call your mother?  What time does the game start?  Crap, you forgot to get the dry cleaning *again*?  What *is* her point, anyway?  All those things were expressed in words.  We need them.

So, logically speaking, because thoughts are expressed in words, and women seem to use more words, would it be fair to say that women think more than men?  At least with their brains?

The stereotype is, of course, that men tend to think with an appendage on the lower half of their bodies, and that appendage, while fabulous in its own right, doesn’t usually say much.  Sure, it may make gestures or have sporadic outbursts, but overall, it’s not super talkative.

Or, could it be that men just have better filters than women?  Maybe women say pretty much everything that comes to mind, while men refrain from speaking unless it’s absolutely necessary.  You never know, they might need that last breath of air in a minute, and they don’t want to waste it on complimenting your cleavage.

I know a man, quite wonderful really, who, when explaining his brevity, says “you can’t stick your foot in your mouth if it’s not open.”  Fine logic there…but if you don’t speak up, chances are someone else will.  (Plus, if you leave it up to women, we’re quite creative, really.  To us, your silence could mean any number of things…)

Speak up, Charlie Brown...

Well, I did a little research.  Turns out, men talk just as much as women.  Surprising, right?

Here’s how:  Men tend to focus on specific information (Dude, that’s the fifth three pointer he’s had in the last two minutes!), and women tend to be more supportive with their speech (Oh honey, I know just how you feel – that Ryan Reynolds really does a number on me…).  Plus, men traditionally talk more at work (you know, that whole dominance, Alpha Male thing), while women talk more in social situations (you know, that whole touchy feely “let’s be friends” thing).

I really just wanted an excuse to put Ryan Reynolds up here...

So, there you have it.  Men might take the cake when it comes to balding or slam dunking a basketball, and women might win out when it comes to wearing a bikini or graduating on time.  However, when it comes to speech (she finally concludes 700 words later…), well, we’re just about even.

 

**Photos courtesy of MBpopart.com, YourDiscovery.com, Kurzweilai.net, 10MinutesofBrilliance.com, WeHeartIt.com, and AskMen.com

 

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“You Sure do Make Team Spirit Look Good, Darlin'”: Why Sporting Your Team Colors Makes for a Good Time…

Jan
29
2012
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Florida hat.  He sees a Florida State fan, a pastor, and about 350 other people…

There are many occasions to sport your favorite team’s colors.  An obvious choice is on game day.  “Wear your colors to work” day is a good one. Tuesday. Yeah. Tuesday works, too. This past weekend I discovered another occasion to sport your colors:  A trip to the bar.

This weekend, I had the pleasure of partaking in the festivities of Gasparilla and all the fun-filled debauchery that entails. (Um, and yes. My sister brings her own koozie to bars. She seems to be learning a little more than just Latin at UF…)

Out of the purse...and onto the bottle...

Part of my tasteful ensemble included my Florida hat.  I was celebrating our win over Mississippi State in basketball, and it seemed fitting for a Saturday.  Little did I know my hat would be the catalyst for one of the most fun nights of my Gasparilla-celebrating career.

I just love this hat.

Because of that hat, I was hit on by a 41 year old Canadian who was smoking pot in line while waiting to get into the bar (thanks again for my sister’s and my cover!), Patrick, a Georgia native whose age seemed to range from 18-35 depending on the song played by the band (thanks again for the tasty beverages for me and my friends!); the Florida State fan sporting an unattractive gold cap and an equally unattractive garnet shirt; the other Florida State fan who saw us once while waiting in traffic and then again six hours later at the bar (“Hey, you’re the girl we saw on Tampa St.!  You drive a 4Runner, right?  You’re still cute and your hat still sucks.”); the three guys waiting in line for the bathroom (the first who gave me a high five, the second who tapped my Florida-team-spirit clad head, and the third who, as I walked by, grabbed, well, I’ll spare you the details); the fun guy in the #15 jersey who Tebowed every time the band played a song by Van Halen or Rick Springfield; about twelve other random people who all seemed lovely and who mostly loved my hat; and finally, a pastor…or so he said.  All these details can be verified by my lovely friends (and Michael, thanks again for playing defense for us when you weren’t playing offense for yourself).

It made for an interesting night.  And a fabulous topic of conversation over Sunday Funday (a.k.a. Recovery Sunday after a night like last night).  We got to thinking about why a hat could have such an effect on so many people.  Here’s what we came up with:

Approachability.  Chances are a girl wearing a baseball cap isn’t a girl who spent three hours getting ready, and therefore will spend all of three seconds rolling her eyes at you.  No.  A girl wearing a baseball cap implies easy going, friendly, down to earth.  *brushes imaginary dirt of her shoulder* (Thanks Jay Z.)

Loyalty.  A girl sporting colors like orange and blue after a football season like our most recent one is loyal.  Fair weather fan?  Nah.  She’s in it for the long haul.  Good for her.  Good for you.

Pick Up Line Central.  The options are endless. “How ‘bout them Gators?” “How ‘bout that Tim Tebow?”  “Nice hat.” “God, you’re so damn cute, but your hat? That’s gotta go.” “What’s that ‘F’ for?”  “Aren’t you wearing the wrong colors?” “Hey, I have a hat just like that.  It looks better on you, though.”  And my personal favorite:  “You sure do make team spirit look good, darlin’.”  Hook, Line, and Sinker.  Sold to the sweetheart with the Southern accent and sincere smile.

So, if you’re looking for a good time, and it’s sadly not a Saturday in fall, grab your cap and a smile.  I speak from experience here.  (P.S. A short skirt might help, too…)

 

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Signs of Spring: Flowers Bloom, Birds Chirp, and 175 New Students Email Asking if They “Missed Anything”

Jan
25
2012
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

*cue crickets chirping*

Question:  How do you know a new semester has started for Lauren Grant?

Answer:  The massive piles of essays to grade far outnumber the post-its with “PSST” ideas scribbled on them.

A *slight* exaggeration

Posted in From Behind the Lens

Tim Tebow: A Quarterback. A Good Christian. A Bad Ass.

Jan
15
2012
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

Sick of Tim Tebow yet?  No?  Great!  Please read on:

Sometimes it’s hard to know why people cling to something or someone.  I often wonder what my sister sees, for example, in the men she chooses to date.  My students, too, have me walking around in circles in my brain as to how or where they come up with their paper topics.  The legalization of marijuana, sure, but beauty pageants in prison?  Seriously?

I have friends who seem to wonder the same thing about all the Tebow lovers and/or appreciators out there. Because I got tired of defending the poor guy over and over again (even after his season finished), I figured I would list some of the many reasons Tebow has such a strong following, even if he isn’t necessarily the best quarterback around.

Location.  First, and quite possibly the most obvious, this is the Gator Nation…and sometimes even the Gator World.  (Question:  How do you know Lauren Grant is in heaven in Italy?  Answer:  In addition to the culture, coffee, and beautiful people, she receives shouts of “Go Gators!” when she wears her Gator attire in the country shaped like a boot.)    While Tebow is officially a Bronco now, he was, and in our minds, always will be, a Gator.  So, we root for him.  Wherever he is.

Loyalty.  Along with residing in the Gator Nation, loyalty most certainly comes into play.  Gator fans are fans in all kinds of weather.  And so when the guy is making the critics groan, we stand by him.  He’s done a lot for our program; it only makes sense we support him while he’s in the process of doing a lot for another team sporting good ol’ orange and blue.

Religion.  A touchy subject, indeed.  While you may or may not agree with Tebow’s preference in a higher power, it is quite refreshing to see a pro-athlete passionate about something other than himself.  Some people think he’s insincere; however, those of us who love him know otherwise.  Besides, why on earth would he leave himself open to such ridicule if he didn’t really believe The Big Guy Upstairs was worth thanking?  (And I’m right there with him.)

Heart.  The official dictionary definition of “heart” involves “a hollow pumpkin-like organ of blood circulation…”  The kind the Tin Man didn’t officially have.  Then there’s the other kind.  You know, the combination of passion and boundless enthusiasm.  The blood, sweat, and tears kind.  The kind that has us naive, hopeful optimists trying just one more time, and the kind that inspires five year olds and seventy-five year olds to stand proudly, arm in arm, while singing “We are the boys” after the third quarter, even when the score is not quite where we all want it to be.  (I’ve seen this firsthand.  I know.)  Timmy?  He has both kinds.  And with people like that, the rewards tend to be big, both in their partnerships and their paychecks.

Work Ethic.  The man’s a bad ass.  No doubt about it.  Ever seen Tim Tebow:  Everything in Between?  Oh. My. God.  Chills.  Lots of them.  Any man who puts that much into making himself a better man deserves a pat on the damn back.  And any man who can pull a whole freaking truck up a hill is impressive.  Let us be impressed, please.

Skills.  He has them.  While Tebow’s stats may not be stellar, the guy can play.  He can run.  He can jump.  He. Can. Throw.  Not to mention he handles himself well when it comes right down to it.  Denver against Miami.  Two touchdown passes in the final three minutes of the game with a sweet 2 point conversion.  The Broncos win in overtime.   Denver against Pittsburgh.  Again OT.  This time the Broncos have to win it with the new rules.  One chance.  One opportunity to score before the Steelers get the ball.  And with Tebow, sometimes that’s all it takes.  One pass to one player.  This game it’s Tebow to Thomas.  11 seconds.  80 yards. Game over.

Hope.  Tim Tebow is an underdog.  Like it or not, he does not fit the mold of a stereotypical star NFL quarterback.  He’s been scrutinized and criticized and overlooked.  And yet, here he is, making a name for himself.  Breaking records both on the field and in cyberspace.  (Number one trending topic on Twitter?  Um, yeah, I think people think he’s worth talking about.)  Our culture, while certainly flawed, is an overall optimistic one filled with generous people.  We like miracles.  We like happy endings.  We like stories where the hero, our  underdog, overcomes all obstacles to rescue the princess (or his defense) and saves the day.  What can we say?  Maybe we’re just a bunch of hopeless romantics.  Either way, Tebow’s story offers some good old fashioned hope and some freaking exciting football.

So all you haters out there, that’s fine.  There’s enough of us Tebow lovers to keep each other warm at night.  And don’t worry.  We’ll still be here with open arms when you decide to change your mind.

An All Around Good Guy

*photo courtesy of thesuiteworld.com

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“People are People, and Sometimes We Change Our Minds”*: A Second Look at Sentimentality on New Years

Jan
08
2012
by Elle Grant | 1 Comment

Okay, okay. Fine. So it took me eight days, six conversations (two of which were about failed resolutions already… “His mother’s name is Janet, but I didn’t actually get three dinners out of the deal…”), and a Bellini at breakfast on the beach (it is Sunday Funday, after all) for me to get all sentimental about the new year. And of course, the world is supposed to end this year, so we might as well get a little nostalgic. (Question:  How do you know Lauren Grant is a hardcore conflict-avoider? Answer:  When it comes to the end of the world, she posts a cartoon.)

The new year signifies the passing of time, and the passing of time kind of scares us sometimes.  We start thinking about the “good ol’ days”…(“Remember ‘Tequila Night’ after the UF/FSU game? Spending the night face down in the grass of some stranger’s yard really wasn’t all that bad…It was just that dang automatic sprinkler system that put a damper on things.” Ha. Thank God there isn’t photographic evidence.)

(Just add water.)

After we ponder the past, we often turn toward the future and what it holds for us.  During the past few days, I’ve had some enlightening conversations with people who believe they are either (one) the “overcomers” of their fate, pushing and pulling and scraping their way toward their goals, or (two) those people who seem to float by, just taking what’s “given” to them.  In short, the “doers” and the “waiters.”  Both have specific dreams for the months and years ahead.  Both needed a little inspiration.

By request, (you know who you are), here is a list of top ten optimistic thoughts (according to some of my dear friends and loved ones) to ponder while planning (and acting on) those good old New Year’s Resolutions:

10.  “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” ~Unknown

9.  “Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.” ~Winston Churchill

8.  “Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” ~Pope John XXIII

7.  “In a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.” ~Warren Buffett

6.  “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” ~C.S. Lewis

5.  “Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” ~Walter Anderson

4.  “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

3.  “Courage doesn’t always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”  ~M.A.  Radmacher

2.  “Do one thing every day that scares you.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

And finally, one I know to be true…

1.  “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” ~Karen Lamb

So whether it be to mowing the lawn before the neighbors for once or to starting a whole new career in a field that would make your father shake his head and sigh, here’s to the New Year and all the open doors and windows it brings.

*Thanks to T. Swift for those sweet lyrics

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UF vs. OSU – Gator Bowl 2012 – Win or Lose, At Least We All Have a Sense of Humor…

Jan
02
2012
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

In honor of the Gator Bowl today, here are a few Ohio State jokes to keep our spirits up…

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?” The guy replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, 225 lbs., and he is an Ohio State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6’5″, 250lbs., and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?” The first guy says, “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”

Two Ohio State football players were hootin’ and hollerin’ while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. “Two months?!” exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, “Yeah, the box said 4 – 6 years!”

And my personal favorite:

Q: How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Photo courtesy of NOT Will Muschamp @Will_Muschamp

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High Hopes, Hooker Heels, and Hangovers: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of New Year’s Eve

Jan
01
2012
by Elle Grant | 1 Comment

New Years, in my humble opinion, is overrated. There’s all this anticipation and pressure to go out and have a good time with all the other people (feeling the same anticipation and pressure) ringing in the new year with one too many shots of Patron and a sweet little hangover in the morning.

Then there are the God awful shoes and sparkly clothes one can only get away with one other time of year.  (Happy Halloween!  Hello hooker heels and sequins.)

Hooker Heels

Plus, there’s always that obligatory kiss at midnight.  (Raise your hand if you’ve ever kissed a person at midnight “just because” and not because you actually wanted to…  *Looks around sheepishly and raises hand*)

For these reasons, many of my best New Year’s have been spent at home with bare feet, a few bottles of beer, and some sparklers.  There’s something to be said for simplicity.

Last night, however, I rang in the New Year with thirty of my closest friends and their friends and the rest of the people at the eight bars we visited in our efforts to celebrate the end of one year and the start of another.  A good time was had by most.  And no one vomited, which is sadly unusual.  (Have I mentioned I’m a sympathetic vomiter?…  Question: How do you know Lauren Grant is holding her friend’s hair back as she gets sick?  Lauren’s getting sick right there with her.  Oh, the memories.)

My favorite part of the night involved grapes…this should tell you something…  Apparently on New Year’s Eve in Peru, there is a tradition of eating 12 grapes and making 12 wishes for the year ahead.  My dear, sweet Peruvian friend had pre-proportioned and bagged 12 grapes for each person in our group.  (Thank you Rosa!)  She even made extras for any stragglers or last minute additions to our party.  (Welcome aboard Jill and Steven and Steven’s brother and that weird guy with the scraggly beard, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and green and white striped shirt.)

Just after midnight, outside of a perfect dive bar in Clearwater Beach, passersby could see thirty-plus people holding ziplock baggies, gazing happily at the fireworks in the sky, slowly popping one grape after another into their mouths.  While it may sound trivial (or odd), I can assure you, it was certainly a unique site to see.

Outside the Perfect Dive Bar

Yes, I have reservations about the consistent overrating of New Year’s Eve; however, I do love new traditions involving wishes and grapes and a large group of hopeful people.  I can also appreciate what New Year’s represents for so many people: a fresh start.  A goodbye to the old and a “Well, hello there,” to the new.  And, of course, this is represented in the blessed New Year’s Resolution.

A resolution, by definition, is “a formal expression of intention.”  In the past few days, I’ve asked around and heard several expressions of intention. One friend intends to lose six pounds. (With the loss of six pounds, she’ll be one pound under her goal weight, and that leaves her a little growing room for big breakfasts and Big Macs.)  Another friend hopes to quit being a “head case” and breaking up with women for questionable reasons.  (“She was going to break up with me at somepoint anyway, so I thought I might as well go ahead and get it over with.”)  Another vowed to get three meals out of, and learn the mother’s name of, any man she was thinking of sleeping with. All intentions were made in hopes of a better year ahead.

My Favorite Choice for Would-Be New Year's Resolution Dinners...Always Helpful in Finding out Mothers' Names...

I, also, have put some thought into what my resolution might be.  Here are a few that came to mind:

  1. Don’t have an opinion, at all, about my sister’s choice in men.  (In the past, I’ve had strong opinions… “He has twenty-six tattoos, a crazy ex-wife, and a criminal record?  Good Lord.”)  I figure her taste in men is questionable at best, and it would be mighty difficult to be resolute in having positive opinions about these suitors of hers.
  2. Learn to say, “No.”
  3. Drive slower.

After some deep thought, however, I’ve decided this year, there will be no New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are for change, and while change is often good, we’re not supposed to “fix” something that isn’t broken.  I’m pretty darn happy, so why do I need a resolution?  Sure, there are flaws, but flaws are what make things interesting.

Besides, how can I not have opinions on my sister’s boyfriends?  I’m her sister; I’m supposed to have opinions.  Learn to say, “No”?  Why? I like saying, “Yes.” …even if it makes my schedule a living hell sometimes…  Drive slower?  Ummm.  Well, I have places to go and people to see, and as long as I’m paying attention, I figure a few extra miles per hour only aids in a productive day.

So, while there certainly is a great deal of hype surrounding New Years and the events that take place during this brief time period, the good thing is that it’s just another day.  Chances are we’ll all have another day quite similar tomorrow. And then again the next day.  Because of this relative reliability in the coming days ahead, I’m not too concerned with not having any New Year’s resolutions this year.  If I change my mind, there’s always tomorrow.

Posted in From Behind the Lens

The Sun is Orange. The Sky is Blue. I’m Certainly a Gator, and it Seems God is One, Too.

Dec
28
2011
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

While conveniently avoiding last week’s game against the Bills, here’s a little tid bit of Gator fun…

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God
was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded
Patriots flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity Tom,” said
God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.” Tom felt
special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house
just around the corner. It was a huge 3-story mansion with Orange and Blue
sidewalks and drive ways, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Broncos
logo flag waving, a swimming pool in the shape of a horse, a Broncos logo in
every window, and a Tim Tebow jersey on the front door.

Tom looked at God and said, “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even
went to the Hall of Fame.”

God said, “So what’s your point, Tom?”

“Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?”

God chuckled, and said “Tom, that’s not Tim’s house; it’s mine.”

God's a Gator

 

Posted in From Behind the Lens Tagged , , , |

Fungus, Flip Flops, and Football: Some Additional Reasons to Celebrate the Season

Dec
22
2011
by Elle Grant | 0 Comments

Christmas.  I adore Christmas.  In addition to the obvious religious implications and all the fascinating travel stories that go along with this time of year (Question:  How do you fit 4 people in a space on a plane where there are only 3 seats?  Answer:  Two people are under the age of 3…), Christmas provides many opportunities to shake your head, look up to The Big Guy Upstairs, and smile:

Children…who aren’t yours…I love them!…and I love that I don’t have to finance their college educations.

Highs in the 70’s…There’s something to be said for being able to wear shorts and flip flops in Florida when our Northern counterparts are sweating as they add an extra four layers to go out and get the mail.

Right after Christmas comes New Years, then Memorial Day, then Fourth of July, and before you know it, Football season is here again!  Thank God.

Insufficient wrapping paper stories…Crap.  I’m out.  What can I use?  Think.  Think.  Tin foil?  Comics?  What’s this?  Wrapping paper with candles and party hats and confetti on it?  Happy Birthday…Jesus!..Hope you enjoy your golf balls, dad.

Songs.  While I certainly love Christmas music, this time of year is about the only time of year when I can hold my loved ones captive in the car and they’re grateful for the non-Christmas music I play for them.

Traveling to visit all the crazy relatives…and the stories that come with them…(Question:  How do you know you’re traveling with Lauren Grant?  Answer:  Your first plane parks in Terminal A, and your connecting flight leaves from Terminal G.  Layover?  Twelve minutes.  Go!)

Mistletoe.  (I imagine this is pretty self-explanatory.)

Another reason for pie.  Oh, how I love pie.

Santa.  A large man with a long beard handing out goodies to children, and he’s not registered with our local law enforcement agencies.  Good times.  While I’ve always wanted to be Alberta out on the field in the Swamp, playing Santa’s helper every year isn’t a bad alternative.

To all the handing back of adorable children to their parents, extra bites of pie, four hour plane rides that seem like eight, stolen kisses underneath hanging fungus that grows on trees, and the countdown to football season, Merry Christmas Everyone!

 

Posted in From Behind the Lens Tagged , , , |